Cult classic ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ is totally bonkers

Cult classic ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ is totally bonkers
Leonardo DiCaprio is Jordan Belfort in THE WOLF OF WALL STREET. Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

Wolf of Wall Street” is my favorite movie of all time. Right ahead of “Jackass 2.5” (for obvious reasons, easily the most underrated movie of the “Jackass” franchise), “The Big Short” (such an accurate representation of the financial market), and “Happy Gilmore,” of course.

It’s hard to explain, but I love the way Scorsese makes you root for the bad guy, honestly. Such an honest portrayal of Wall Street, too. Not afraid to be real. In a lot of movies these days, they make characters like Jordan Belfort into these monsters, but that’s just not the reality. That’s not the way the real world works. He might be a conman, I’ll admit, but he’s not a bad guy.

Right off the bat, to set the scene, DiCaprio starts talking straight into the camera about his daily drug use, like a coked-up Ferris Buehler. So badass. It reminds me of that guy from that movie about a road trip to Vegas. Thompson or something, it doesn’t really matter. But I was listening to that guy’s drug use on the Joe Rogan podcast earlier this week, I’m pretty sure. Weed, blow, Chivas, ether, a bunch of stuff. It’s downright insane. I hate when people try to sugarcoat things — let the world know the truth, you know.

I suppose I’ve spent enough time already not addressing the film’s elephant in the room. I think all the fellas know what I’m talking about with this one. That’s right. Two words: Margot freakin’ Robbie. I don’t think I can do her justice with the written word in all honesty. God, what a rocket! I don’t want to reveal too much, but let’s just say I’ve replayed that one scene (you boys know what I’m talking about) a few too many times, and we’ll leave it at that.

And let’s give it up for Matthew Mcaughnehay. That man can act his nuts off, hats off to him. Me and my buddy love doing that chest bump, humming thing he and DiCaprio do in that one scene. And apparently the whole thing was improvised — wild. Furthermore, I love the way this film talks so openly about masturbation. Everybody always dances around it, but this one comes right out in your face and says it. I died when Mccanahey called Leo’s jerking-off numbers “rookie.” That’s honestly gold.

Even though both DiCaprio and Mconaugheigh have been in some pretty fruity movies over the years (my girlfriend is always making me watch them: see “Titanic” or “Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past”) they both kill it in that scene.

And along those same lines, who knew Jonah Hill had that kind of acting chops? I mean, he obviously had me rolling in “Superbad,” but I guess I didn’t know what a serious actor he’d become. And when he whips his c**k out? Unbelievable. Seriously, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

My dream job would easily still be to work for Stratton Oakmont (that’s the brokerage firm Belfort started up in the movie, if you didn’t know — sadly it no longer exists, I checked). Imagine going to work everyday. God, the environment must have been electric. Throwing midgets around, shaving chicks’ heads? I would’ve killed to have been there at that time. But just so we’re clear I wouldn’t have been a follower like a lot of those guys that got there — I still would’ve been my own man. But I just would’ve loved to have been in the jungle with all those wolves, and learned from them too.

Don’t worry I’m not only into the craziness of that era I’m actually really into building something from the ground up, I feel like. You know, with your own two hands. A lot of motivators talk about having two or three steady streams of income, but I’ve already got four. To let you in on a little secret, I’m hoping to become the “Wolf of Cryptocurrency.” Basically, restructure the entire economic landscape. If you guys don’t know, Crypto is the future — anybody who doesn’t realize that is in big trouble. And can I also just say if you’re not already invested in the NFT market, I don’t know what to tell you, boss, you’re probably out of luck.

Anyway, did you know that “Wolf of Wall Street” holds the all time record for most swear words in a movie? 528 F-bombs. Yeah, you read that right. 528. F**king insane. And it doesn’t stop there. There’s apparently 270 other swears used throughout. It’s so inspirational I feel like. Kind of saying you like don’t have to conform to what everybody else believes. Freedom of speech, baby. It kind of just makes you stop and think about how our language is just kind of this big social construct, and the only people who really care about what you say are probably moms and professors or something.

The last scene that really kills me is when Leo is trying to land that helicopter but he’s loaded out of his mind. There’s so much tension, like, you don’t really know what’s gonna happen next. I wasn’t even on the edge of my seat at that point, I was standing up out of my chair yelling, “c’mon Belfort, c’mon baby!”

And that’s right around when I stop watching. I’ve never actually finished the whole thing, naturally. And I know I don’t need to — my boy Bryce says it kills the whole vibe. And don’t worry, he’s one of my college boys. I hardly even talk to my high school friends from my hometown anymore. There’s nothing left for me back there, honestly.