Threats, complaints to the editor

 

Threats to the editor

 

Update transportation on campus

Dear Editor,

Why has no one reported the need for our campus to have moving sidewalks yet? I live way over in Granskou and have class all the way over in the GSC. That’s a seven minute walk – ain’t nobody got time for that! It would increase efficiency and improve timeliness all about campus. We also need slow and fast lanes in the sidewalks. I’m am so sick of being caught behind two people who walk the pace of sloth. Please cover this important need ASAP!

P.S. What about also adding some escalators in the Humanities?

Sincerely,

Lay Z.

 

What happened to all of the cups?

Dear Editor,

What ever happened to the missing cup story? Have they been returned? Did Sodexo buy more cups? Are there cup bounty hunters placed secretly around campus searching for lost cups? This is the most important news story of the year. It was even covered by Keloland! Students deserve to know the ending to the greatest story of the year at Augustana College.

Sincerely,

Ole Dnews

 

Don’t be tricked by shifty squirrels

Dear Editor,

I think the squirrels are conspiring across campus, plotting their perfect moment to take over the school. Yesterday, I swear that a squirrel purposefully dropped a berry on my head walking from Humanities to Solberg. Last week, I saw a squirrel carrying an entire bagel. I don’t trust them with their shifty eyes and ninja-like skills. Their cuteness is the perfect disguise for their evil mastermind geniusness. I do not trust those squirrels one bit.

Sincerely,

A concerned freshman