Peeing in the shower saves water and toilet paper
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You read the headline and you’ve immediately decided this article is going to put the ‘urinal’ in yellow journalism. But you’re absolutely mistaken.
There is a growing trend on Augustana’s campus, a trend involving peeing in the shower, and ignoring it won’t make it go away.
For Augie Green president Molly Kokesh, the trend is all part of her master plan to conserve water on campus.
“Co-president Sam Evenson and I were extremely troubled by the amount of water our campus wastes,” Kokesh said. “After many laborious hours brainstorming possible solutions, we decided to push the Pee In The Shower initiative with our Augie Green minions in order to conserve water and toilet paper.”
According to campus reports, the initiative has caught on in the dorms with enormous success. Granskou has seen a particularly large increase in the number of individuals peeing in the shower, and sophomore Olivia Hopewell takes credit for this achievement.
“I take great pride in my involvement in Augie Green, so when Sam and Molly came to us with the Pee In The Shower initiative I knew this was my opportunity to showcase my dedication,” Hopewell said. “I’ve made it my personal goal to convince everyone on my floor to pee in the shower, too.”
Granskou hall director Melinda Latas isn’t quite as enthusiastic about the initiative. “Our janitorial staff is extremely upset. The bathrooms reek of urine, and that’s a major problem,” Latas said.
Kokesh is hesitant to believe the stench is due to her campaign.
“I mean, think about it. Sure, you’re peeing in the shower. But you’re also sudsing up and washing yourself at the same time,” Kokesh said. “As a shower peer, I can confidently say that the only thing I smell after I get out of the shower is the scent of my Dove body wash.”
Evenson agrees with Kokesh.
“The benefits of peeing in the shower exponentially outweigh the costs,” he said. “Not only are you saving water, but you’re also staying cleaner. If you wait until after you get out of the shower to pee, you’re counteracting the cleanliness efforts of your shower.”
Ultimately, both Evenson and Kokesh agree on one thing: The Pee In The Shower initiative is Augie Green’s top priority. The Augie Green Thrift Shop is just a passing fad, but setting the precedent of peeing in the shower will help Augustana be a greener campus for generations to come.