Earn your diamond diploma with new major

TITS MCGEE

whalesvagina@yahoo.com

After much deliberation, the Augustana Curriculum Council decided Wednesday to move forward with their recommendation to implement a Marital Relations Studies, or MRS, major.

“I believe many Augustana students have potential to find great success with a MRS degree,” Peg Preston, chair of the curriculum council, said.

The new major will prepare students for life as a homemaker married to a wealthy spouse. Required classes include Managing the Maid 110, Shoe and Bag Matching 220 and Social Dance.

Additionally, the MRS major allows students additional S/U credits, so they can enroll in at least three high-level science or business classes without having to worry about their GPA.

“By allowing MRS students more S/U classes, we hope they will take that opportunity to socialize with their classmates who are on track to a high-paying job after graduation,” Preston said.

Students pursuing a MRS degree also have the opportunity to graduate early by taking what is being loosely referred to as the “ring route,” according to Academic Dean Susan Hasseler.

“If a student gets engaged before completing their four-year degree, we want them to be able to get right into the trophy wife world,” Hasseler said. “The highest academic honor for an MRS major is a diamond diploma, and if they can accomplish that in under four years, who am I to make them stay any longer?”

The MRS major has been discussed in past years, but not until this year has the council taken any serious action to move it forward. Once the major has passed the council, it moves to the administration building where president Rob Oliver gives it the stamp of approval.

“I’m thrilled to see this major offered,” sophomore Jade Hovet said. “I came to Augustana as a chemistry major, but now with an MRS degree, I can really live up to my full potential.”

Administrators anticipate that the MRS major will attract prospective students to choose Augustana, but they worry that the major won’t be sustainable considering the current male to female ratio, according to vice president for enrollment Nancy Davidson.

“We already have significantly more females than males,” Davidson said. “So, when we tell prospective students about the new MRS program, we need to be sure to clarify that males are also welcome to pursue this degree. There are plenty of eligible ladies at Augustana that would be happy to support a trophy husband.”

Students interested in pursuing the MRS major can switch as early as the fall 2013 semester.