AUGIE DOGGIE WHEREABOUTS STILL UNKNOWN

HOmeDog Madness

ssenlesamoth@ole.augie.edu

 

Current students likely have no recollection of the Augie Doggie back in the 80s. After over 20 years of service, Augie Doggie retired in around 2003, and no one has seen him since. So the question to ask is: Where did he go?

Many have sought the answer to this perennial question, yet no one has found answers. That is why we have gathered any and all evidence that might help lead to the verdict of this mysterious departure.

Here are a few of the possible ideas and alleged places Augie Doggie could currently be:

He died, unfortunately. Some think Augie Doggie was either Ol’ Yeller’d or died of old age.  Many think this can’t be the case because of his big heart and strong will.

 

Some have argued that Augie Doggie is living on an island with Tom Hanks. Augie Doggie always had a burning passion for volleyball. In this case, he may answer to Wilson.

 

In Vegas. Augie Doggie loved risks and loud noise. He was always pumping up the crowds at games and may have decided to leave the dismal Midwest to explore the land of prostitution and money laundering.

 

A select group of Augie Doggie-lovers believes he is currently filming the final Air Bud movie. After the great success of the first movies, they were looking for the most athletic dog around which, undoubtedly, led to the discovery of Augie Doggie.

 

Others have pointed out that Augie Doggie is likely with TuPac. Not only did TuPac also “die” mysteriously, he also wanted more road dogz to look out for him.

 

He is working as a guide-dog for Stevie Wonder. The extremely talented musician has been blind since shortly after birth and could appreciate the services of Augie Doggie. He led Augustana sporting events to victory. He could lead a blind man.

 

Remember Paul, arguably the most dedicated of all of the Augieholics?  There has been suspicion that Augie Doggie slipped off Augustana’s campus to live with his biggest fan: Paul.

 

Occasionally, some of the world’s most important people have stunt doubles at public events in an effort to make it appear that the real person is there.  Conspirators believe that John F. Kenedy, John Lennon, Martin Luther King Jr., and Abe Lincoln were all fake actors.  Augie Doggie may just be living with the real American icons who we all think have died.

 

Augie Doggie thrived in the 1980s.  President Ronald Reagan also flourished in the years of big hair and loud music.  A small group of people think Augie Doggie is living out his life with 91-year-old Nancy Reagan, consoling her and reminiscing with her about the glorious 80s.

 

Lastly, the largest of the detective groups believes that Augie Doggie has been in hiding for the last 10 years, waiting for the perfect moment to return as the true mascot of Augustana College.  Might the Macklemore concert be the best time to return, dog?